Monthly Archives: February 2014
Leaving a note under the toilet seat
The male brain removed from skull
The Star Wars that I used to know
Being green – is it a new thing or an old thing?
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”
The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”
She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled.
But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
But too bad we didn’t do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn’t have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. Nowadays, people repeatedly need electricians, like Your Home Electricians, to add new electrical outlets to keep up with their ever-growing number of appliances. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
Buying coffee like it was ObamaCare
Hot coffee hurts
I was eating breakfast with my 6-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”
She said “It’s President’s Day!”
She is a smart kid. So, I asked “What does President’s Day mean?” I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.
She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of high unemployment and corruption.”
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose…
Ohio temperature chart
70 degrees – Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Ohio go swimming in rivers, creeks and and pools.
60 degrees – People in North Carolina try to turn on the heat. Ohioans are still sunbathing.
50 degrees – Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Ohio plant gardens
40 degrees – Italian and English cars won’t start. People in Ohio drive with the windows down.
32 degrees – Distilled water freezes. Lake Erie water gets thicker.
20 degrees – Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats. Ohioans throw on a light jacket.
15 degrees – Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Ohio have the last cookout of the season.
0 degrees – All of the people in Miami die. Buckeyes close windows.
-10 degrees – Californians fly to Mexico. People in Ohio get out their winter coats.
-40 degrees – Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Ohio are selling cookies door to door.
-80 degrees – Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Ohio Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” class until gets cold enough.
-100 degrees – Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Buckeyes get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.
-297 degrees – Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Ohio complain about farmers with cold hands.
-460 degrees – All atomic motion stops. People in Ohio start saying, “Cold ‘buff for ya?”
-500 degrees – Hell freezes over. The Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl.