70 degrees – Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Ohio go swimming in rivers, creeks and and pools.
60 degrees – People in North Carolina try to turn on the heat. Ohioans are still sunbathing.
50 degrees – Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Ohio plant gardens
40 degrees – Italian and English cars won’t start. People in Ohio drive with the windows down.
32 degrees – Distilled water freezes. Lake Erie water gets thicker.
20 degrees – Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats. Ohioans throw on a light jacket.
15 degrees – Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Ohio have the last cookout of the season.
0 degrees – All of the people in Miami die. Buckeyes close windows.
-10 degrees – Californians fly to Mexico. People in Ohio get out their winter coats.
-40 degrees – Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Ohio are selling cookies door to door.
-80 degrees – Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Ohio Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” class until gets cold enough.
-100 degrees – Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Buckeyes get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg.
-297 degrees – Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Ohio complain about farmers with cold hands.
-460 degrees – All atomic motion stops. People in Ohio start saying, “Cold ‘buff for ya?”
-500 degrees – Hell freezes over. The Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl.