Brave firemen

A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!”

The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno. The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas.

The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.

“What do you guys plan to do with the money?” the president asks the group.

The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, “Well, the first thing we’re going to do is fix the fucking brakes on that truck.”

A pirate at the bar

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate. “I feel fine.”

Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

Bartender: “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I am fine, really.”

Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”

Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “You lost an eye just from bird shit?”

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Traveling on a train with a beautiful girl and her chaperone

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him."

The General Manager is setting there thinking, "I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself:

Continue reading Traveling on a train with a beautiful girl and her chaperone