A little old, but still funny.
Monthly Archives: September 2010
Are you getting old?
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a nursing home?”
“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No,” the doctor replied. “A normal person would pull the plug in the drain. So would you like a bed near the window?”
Golfer at the dentist
A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.
The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already… I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’
The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”
So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.
Opening a wine bottle
Not really that funny but it was fun to look at.
Beer opening contest
Deer hunt
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.
Ron’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
“Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?'” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, “Do whatever you want.”
So, here I am.
Funny images
I found these images over at failblog.org. Here are a few of my favorites but you can jump over to their site and laugh about more.
Do you really want to advertise this?
I am sure there are many men that would like to help this situation. Continue reading Funny images
Putting Your Affairs In Order
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order…”
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
“Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.”
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS .”
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?”
“Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, “Putting Your Affairs In Order.”
Finding the perfect girl
Don’t trust management
