A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”
Continue reading A cowboy named Bud
— Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
— Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
— That outfit isn’t sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
— Why don’t you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
— The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.
Continue reading Things your Mother would NEVER say
- The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
- Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
- Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
- A dog’s parents never visit.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
- You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
- Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
- Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
- A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
- If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
- A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
- If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
- Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
- And last, but certainly not least: If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
Continue reading Why Some Men Have Dogs… And Not Wives
Morty visits the veterinarian in Boca Raton and says, “My dog has a problem.”
The doctor replies, “So tell me about the dog’s problem.”
“First you should know, he’s a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,” says Morty.
“He can talk?”, the doubtful doctor asks.
Continue reading Irving the Jewish Dog