So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty.
As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, “No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I’ve been in a brothel.”
The second barber turned to Barack and said, “How about you, Mr. Obama?” Barack replied, “Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like.”
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ‘Dad, what is the difference
between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?’
The father thought for a moment, then answered, ‘Go ask your mother if she would
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then go ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest “I’m pregnant”
He asked ” How did this happen my child?”
She said “I think it must be the second coming”
The priest, shocked by this reply asked “What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?”
Effective Jan 1, 2014, aspirin will be heavily taxed under Obamacare. The only explanation given was that they are white and they work.
No other reason was given, but I thought you’d want to know about it.
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane, turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started reading her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic…but let me ask you a question first: a horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by her intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.
But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn’t know how to choose who would have to go.
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
She notices that one wall of his
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn’t mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
‘Well, how was it?’
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
Today there will be no funny image, video, or joke posted to the site. Instead, today we will be thankful that we live in a great and free country that allows a site like this to exist. This site makes fun of everything and probably offends people on a regular basis. In some countries, like China, a site like this would surely not be allowed and I would probably land in prison for the publishing of it.
May God bless the United States of America.