- Mexican tap water
- A porcupine with a “pet me” sign
- Bill Clinton, with my teenage daughter
- A fart while fighting the flu
- An elevator ride with Ray Rice
- Taking pills or a drink offered by Bill Cosby
- A Bigfoot sighting
- A Hillary Clinton war story reported by Brian Williams
- Gas station sushi
- Jimmy Carter, with the economy or military strategy
- A Palestinian on a motorcycle
- Pete Carroll coaching decisions
- Eating an apple from an orchard at Fukushima reactor #4
- Hitching a ride from a guy in a goalie mask
- The ingredients in a hotdog
- Nancy Pelosi’s grip on reality
- Black Ice
- Jerry Sandusky as a Boy Scout leader
- Alien abduction stories
- Barney Frank in the shower asking you to pick up the bar of soap
Category Archives: Sarcasm
A ride in a taxi
A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he said, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answered affirmatively.
After thinking for a few minutes, the kid asked, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”
“Most of them become taxi drivers,” she said.
Understanding women
George Carlin on Global Warming
The Star Wars that I used to know
Being green – is it a new thing or an old thing?
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”
The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”
She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled.
But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
But too bad we didn’t do the green thing back then.
We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn’t have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. Nowadays, people repeatedly need electricians, like Your Home Electricians, to add new electrical outlets to keep up with their ever-growing number of appliances. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
The font matters – 2 examples of the wrong message being given
Proof that Monopoly is an old game
You can apply for Obamacare here!
DEMENTIA QUIZ
FIRST QUESTION:
YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON, WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON’T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?
SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE….?
(SCROLL DOWN)
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE…..
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
YOU’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?
THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.
TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10.. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER…..