Category Archives: Men

Marriage, Men, Quickie

New wife

Leave a comment

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’

Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’

‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.

‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’

Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’

Marriage, Men, Quickie

Most dangerous food

Leave a comment

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

Marriage, Men, Quickie, Women

Unfaithful 92-year-old husband

Leave a comment

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’

Marriage, Men, Quickie, Women

Pancakes solve everything

Leave a comment

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed. ‘For me?’

‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’

Men, Quickie, Redneck

Redneck pickup lines

Leave a comment

1) Did you fart? …cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? …..cuz ya’ll sure are special.

3) My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? …cuz I’d like to check you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? …cuz I can see myself in ’em.

6) You might not be the best lookin’ girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.

7) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

Let me know if you are able to use these and if they are effective.

Men, Quickie

American tourist in Holland

Leave a comment

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’

A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!

Ethnic, Men, Quickie, Redneck

Sensitive rednecks

Leave a comment

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’

‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’ Ronnie replies.

‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?’

‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.”
She said, ‘You must be mistaken.. I’m not a widow.’ Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are..’

Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.

Family, Marriage, Men, Quickie, Women

BBQ RULES

Leave a comment

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion :

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food and beer.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert .
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand .
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman .

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery .
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!