Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at our country club last night by 1 point.
Not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: “Where do women have the curliest hair?”
Apparently the correct answer is Fiji.
Monthly Archives: August 2010
Good to the last drop
A 98-year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried
giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a
bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother
drank a little then a little more. Before they knew it she had drank
the whole glass down to the last drop.
“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some
wisdom before you die.”
She raised herself up in the bed and whispered, “Don’t sell that
cow.”
The Horth Whithperer
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, ‘How will I recognize him?’
‘That’s easy; he’s a dwarf with a speech impediment.’
So, the dwarf shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse.
‘A female horth.’
So he shows him a prized filly.
‘Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?’
So the guy picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.
‘Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?’
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.
‘Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?’
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.
‘Nice mouf, can I see her twat?’
Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf’s head up the horse’s fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
‘Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?’
Taunting the Arizona police
The incredible peeing dog
The Amazing Peeing Dog brought to you by VideoBash.com
New golf terms this season
Some new golf terms to use when you’re out on the course…
A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t.
A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another.
A ‘Yasser Arafat’ – butt ugly and in the sand.
A ‘John Kennedy Jr.’ – didn’t quite make it over the water.
A ‘Rodney King’ – over-clubbed.
An ‘O.J.’- got away with one.
A ‘Princess Grace’ – should have used a driver.
A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used the driver.
A ‘Condom’ – safe, but didn’t feel very good.
A ‘Brazilian’ – shaved the hole.
A ‘Rush Limbaugh’ – a little to the right.
A ‘Nancy Pelosi’ – Way to the left and out of bounds.
A ‘James Joyce’ – a putt that’s impossible to read.
A ‘Ted Kennedy’ – goes in the water and jumps out.
A ‘Pee Wee Herman’ – too much wrist.
A ‘Sonny Bono’ – straight into the trees.
A ‘Paris Hilton’ – a very expensive hole.
A ‘Tiger Woods’ – wrong hole.
Phallic fireworks on a birthday cake
I found this image at Lamebook.com
An idiot that has never done business travel
I travel regularly for business (no, I don’t make enough money from this site’s ads to retire – I barely cover hosting costs). This Dilbert cartoon hit the spot for me.
Women are so smart!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”. The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. ” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please read the rest of the joke.
Continue reading Women are so smart!
Cheerleader face plant
Knicks Cheerleader Flip Fail – Watch more Funny Videos