Category Archives: Quickie

Family, Quickie

Can your pecker touch your ass?

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A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler. The little boy asks: “Can I have a beer Grandpa?”

Grandpa replies: “Can your pecker touch your ass?”

The little boy answered: “No Grandpa. It’s just a little pecker.”

Gramps says: “Well then, you’re not man enough to have a beer.”

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asks: “Can I have a cigar Grandpa?”

Once again, Grandpa asks: “Can your pecker touch your ass?”

Once again the little boy replies, “No, it’s too little.”

Gramps replies, “Then you’re not man enough to have a cigar.”

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some  cookies.

Grandpa asks, “Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?” Continue reading Can your pecker touch your ass? →

Blonde, Office, Quickie

What is today?

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A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,

“T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied,

“S-H-I-T.”

She looked puzzled and repeated,

“T-G-I-F,” more slowly.

He again answered,

“S-H-I-T.”

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,

“T-G-I-F.”

The man smiled back to her and once again,

“S-H-I-T.”

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank God, It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?” ;

The man answered,

“‘S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday’– duuhhh.

Politics, Quickie

The best patients come from…

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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered..”

The second, from Chicago , responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order”

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers… Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.. “

Quickie

Little Johnny – things that end with “tor”

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A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with
“tor” that ate things.

The first little boy said, “Alligator.”
“Very good James, that’s a big word.”

The second boy said, “Predator.”
“ Yes, that’s another big word Alan. Very well done.”

Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.”

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word
Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”

“Well my mother has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like
there’s no tomorrow!”

Quickie

First day of school

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On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager’s daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it
up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her
finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she guessed. “No,” the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, “Champagne?”

“No,” said the little boy………….”It’s a puppy!”

Quickie, Women

Is a woman man’s best friend

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WOMEN

A real woman is a man’s best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.

No wait…Sorry.

I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.

Marriage, Politics, Quickie, Women

Fourth marriage is the charm

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A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day
and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color
dress are you looking for?”

The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the
wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for
brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more
innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”

“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I
can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or
not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we
were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into
such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we
had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”
“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.

“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years,
he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be,
but nothing ever happened.”