Tag Archives: goggler

Blonde, Ethnic, Quickie

Canadian blondes

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Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”

St. Peter said, “No,” and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.”

St. Peter said, “No,” and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and he died. Then they buried Him in atomb behind a very large boulder…”

St. Peter said, “Very good.”

Then the blonde continued, “Now, every year they roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey.”

I found this over at BeerGoggler.

Quickie

Pickup line

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A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Carmen,” she replied.

“That’s a nice name,” he said. “Did your mother or father name you that?”

“Neither,” she said. “I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen.”

“Why did you do that?” he asked.

“Well,” she explained, “I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What’s your name?”

“Beertits,” the man replied.

I found this joke at The Beer Goggler

Family, Marriage, Quickie

Qualify for the CIA

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and tests were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair!”

(Shout out to Beer Goggler where I found this joke.)

Marriage, Quickie

Sheep joke

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With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife.

“This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache,” he says.

The wife looks at him and replies, “That’s not a pig, it’s a sheep.”

He looks at his wife and answers, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

(Shout out to Beer Goggler where I found this joke)