Category Archives: Men

Today is my 40th wedding anniversary

After being married for 40 years, I took a
careful look at my wife and said,
“Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a
junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a
10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now …. I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00
car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but
I’m sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me
to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she
would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on
a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and
white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know
how to solve an old guy’s problems.

Men Teaching Classes for Women

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENT, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase– Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 

How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

11 ways to start a fight

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,

“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started……

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’

‘No,’ she answered.

I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started…

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started…..

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, “Do you know him?”

“Yes”, she sighed,

“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

And then the fight started…

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point..

Continue reading 11 ways to start a fight

8 ways to ensure that your husband lives

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.

  1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
  2. Be pleasant at all times.
  3. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
  4. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
  5. Don’t burden him with chores.
  6. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
  7. No nagging.
  8. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” Continue reading 8 ways to ensure that your husband lives

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Continue reading Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?