I am not sure what is funnier, the act or the comments coming from the couple that is filming the act.
Category Archives: Marriage
11 ways to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started……
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point..
Dear Dr. Phil
Dear Dr. Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor’s wife sun bathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife just standing there, arms folded…watching me.
Is she a pervert?
Fourth marriage is the charm
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day
and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
fourth wedding.
“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color
dress are you looking for?”
The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the
wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for
brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more
innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”
“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I
can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or
not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we
were checking into our honey moon hotel. My second husband and I got into
such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we
had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”
“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.
“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years,
he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be,
but nothing ever happened.”
Texting a sweet thought
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”
The husband texted back to her: “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
Texting a sweet thought
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.
The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”
The husband texted back to her: “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
Newlyweds celebrate their first night together
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger, Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it – Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’
8 ways to ensure that your husband lives
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.
- Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
- Be pleasant at all times.
- For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
- For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
- Don’t burden him with chores.
- Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
- No nagging.
- And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” Continue reading 8 ways to ensure that your husband lives
It all started with the iPhone
It all began with an iPhone…
January, 2011 was when Erica celebrated her 13th birthday, and we got her an iPhone. She just loved it. Who wouldn’t?
I celebrated my birthday later that month, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Eva’s birthday was in October so we got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in March so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started. What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!! iHurt
Fruit message from wife
Got home late last night after a full day of golfing and drinking with the boys and the wife left a message in the kitchen.
I guess she wants me to eat more fruit.