Tag Archives: collar

T’was the night before Kwansa

t’was the night before kwansa and all through the crib,

Not a white man was lurking, all present were splib.

With mom out there hooking and dad in the slam,

I just settled down with some collards and ham.

The house was just freezin and covered with snow,

as my brother pulled up in a care he dun stole.

Grandma was boozin with stoli and jack,

while two brothers in the corner were smokin some crack.

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,

A headache was forming from the old lady’s chatter.

His sleigh hit the roof, it came to a stop,

three more feet, a fifty foot drop.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,

I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.

He came out the fireplace, his beard full of ash.

He went through our pockets, he looded our cash.

He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,

and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

The preacher was preaching and counting the dough,

one brother was bitchin and smackin his hoe.

They scarffed down some chicken, deep fried in some grease,

as leroy stood guard, one hand on his piece.

he flew off the roof and climbed out of sight,

he wished everyone a special good night.

Uninvited Guest

A nice, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.  I could tell from
his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well cared for.

He calmly walked over to greet me.  I gave him a few pats on his
head.  He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall,
curled up in the corner and fell asleep.  An hour later he awoke
refreshed, went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day my new furry friend was back, greeted me in my yard,
walked inside, lay down on his spot in the hall and slept again for
about an hour.  This continued off and on for many days.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out who
is the owner of this wonderful sweet dog and ask if you are aware that
almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to
his collar: “’He lives in a home with six children — two under the age
of 3 — and he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.  Can I come with him
tomorrow?”

(Shout out to Web Funny where I found this joke)