Tag Archives: bear

Quickie, Seasonal, Sports

Chicago Bear fans

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A Chicago family of pro football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports store, the son picks up a Green Bay Packers #12 jersey and says to his older sister, “I’ve decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas.” His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him on the head and says, “Go talk with mom.”

Off goes the little lad with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. “Mom?” “Yes, son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Aaron Rodger’s jersey for Christmas.” The mother is outraged, promptly whacks him on the head and says, “Go see your father.”

Off he goes with the Green Bay Packer #12 jersey in hand and finds his father. “Dad?” “Yes, son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Rodger’s jersey for Christmas”. The father is so outraged he, too, whacks his son on the head and says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in that!”

About half hour later they’re all back in the car heading towards home. The father turns to the son and says, “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today.”

The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”

“Good, son. What is it?”

The son replies, “I’ve only been a Packer fan for an hour and I already hate you Illinois bastards.”

Ethnic

T’was the night before Kwansa

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t’was the night before kwansa and all through the crib,

Not a white man was lurking, all present were splib.

With mom out there hooking and dad in the slam,

I just settled down with some collards and ham.

The house was just freezin and covered with snow,

as my brother pulled up in a care he dun stole.

Grandma was boozin with stoli and jack,

while two brothers in the corner were smokin some crack.

When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,

A headache was forming from the old lady’s chatter.

His sleigh hit the roof, it came to a stop,

three more feet, a fifty foot drop.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,

I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.

He came out the fireplace, his beard full of ash.

He went through our pockets, he looded our cash.

He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,

and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

The preacher was preaching and counting the dough,

one brother was bitchin and smackin his hoe.

They scarffed down some chicken, deep fried in some grease,

as leroy stood guard, one hand on his piece.

he flew off the roof and climbed out of sight,

he wished everyone a special good night.

Politics

Montana Bear Tragedy

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This is a very sad story about a bear.  Everybody should heed the warning to not feed wildlife because they become dependent and cannot forage for themselves anymore.
 
This is such a tragedy to see what they have done to our country’s wildlife!  

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect  US wildlife  . . . .
 
 
   
Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democrat Party….. as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed . .. .

Bearack Obearma.

Ethnic, Quickie, Redneck

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when….

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1. You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.

4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

16. You head south to go to your cottage.

17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.

18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

19. The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo – it’s sausage making.

20. You find -40C a little chilly.

21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.

23. You can play road hockey on skates.

24. You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

(This was originally found on Aha! Jokes)