Nine Ways NOT To Start Your Police Report

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …

2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent …

3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire …

4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few “shout- outs” for my homeys in the command staff …

5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lost my mind …

6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.

7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly…

8. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist …

9. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away …

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