The best contractors in the world contest!

A few of these guys have worked on my house!


It is fine except for the winter time!


A sure proof way to not catch the bad guys!


The stairway to nowhere.


Is it safer to cross the road or take the bridge?


Who needs to buy a level – I can tell if it is straight by eye!


Dear, I know the neighbors have a patio but that doesn’t mean that we have one!


The train doesn’t come by our house very often.


The boss said the light post had to be right here.


Guaranteed method to prevent over withdraws.


A little bit of privacy, please!

Jewish Sex

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion, ‘Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.’

They go home and follow the Rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied.

Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. ‘Okay,’ he says to the husband, ‘Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.’

Once again, they follow the Rabbi’s advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, ‘See that, you schmuck? THAT’S how you wave a towel!!’

Don’t piss off a woman

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast.’ Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go without a punishment. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ‘What the Hell is this?’ he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.

‘Alice!’ he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?’

She replied with a snicker, ‘It’s not talcum powder; it’s ‘Miracle Grow’!!!!!’